A traditional Tswana wedding in consists series of ceremonies that ultimately end with the bride and groom in their marital home.

The Tswana ethnic group which makes up about 80% of Botswana’s population has eight tribes. These are Bangwaketse, Bangwato, Bakgatla, Barolong, Bakwena, Batawana, Balete and Batlokwa. Each tribe navigates these Tswana traditional wedding ceremonies differently, but feasting and joyful exuberance is always a big part of the celebration.

This article aims to provide information about the Tswana traditional weddings in Botswana but to also celebrate this beautiful part of Tswana culture.

The Beginning

When a couple intends to marry, the man first informs his uncles (maternal) of his intentions. His uncles then tell his parents and the rest of the family. The Elder of each household is informed by a delegation from the family. Each elder then passes the message to the rest of his household.

A family meeting is held with all elders in the groom’s family to determine when and how they will approach the bride’s family.

Before the meeting, the groom is questioned by several aunties and uncles for a couple of reasons. Firstly, to make sure that he is certain of his decision to marry the girl. This is to avoid a situation where the groom’s family engages the bride’s family, only for the groom to later change his mind down the track. Secondly, to get details about the girl, especially regarding her character, and whether she comes from a good family, amongst other things.

After the meeting, a delegation of uncles is then sent to the bride’s family. This delegation often excludes the parents of the groom. It is the responsibility of uncles to go on their behalf.

A leader of the delegation is chosen at the meeting and becomes the family’s spokesperson. The delegation would be well informed of the bride’s particulars. To err in the name, or on any details concerning her may result in them being sent back. Traditionally the couple’s relationship is not known about by their families, so the groom’s family would not be previously acquainted with the bride.

Meeting The Bride’s Family

‘Go isa mahoko,’ is the first meeting between the families where the groom’s uncles inform the bride’s family of their intentions. The groom’s family sends a letter to the bride’s family which is then followed by a meeting. The letter states their intentions and is hand-delivered to the bride’s uncles.

This will then initiate communication between the two families with each doing their homework on the other. If in agreement the bride’s family sends an affirmative response to the letter and then sets the date for the meeting. In recent times, to avoid many trips across the country, this can be preceded by phone calls to the bride’s uncle to share customs and expectations. Such that when the first meeting happens it is more negotiation for the Bogadi (Bride wealth).

Patlo: The Engagement

before the Tswana Traditional wedding​

Once the Bogadi negotiations are complete, then the traditional betrothal ceremony can take place.

Patlo, which transliterates ‘to seek,’ is the traditional ceremony where the bride’s hand in marriage is officially requested. Traditionally the men come in trousers, jackets, and ties. The women’s attire often paints the day in hues of blue and includes traditional dress (Leteise), with traditional wedding shawls/blankets, draped over their shoulders and heads covered in scarfs.

Often each family’s women will decide on the same dress, shawl, and scarf. The shawl/blankets are the Tswana equivalent of a wedding ring, and only married women can wear them. This ceremony is held in the wee hours on the morning before sunrise.

The groom’s family will gather and wait at a designated place, to be permitted to enter the bride’s home (usually her parent’s house). The wait can be a long one, with the bride’s family testing the groom’s for patience. They are expected to be humble and on their best behaviour. Sometimes great lengths can be taken to highlight said humility.

Once permitted, the groom’s family can enter the yard and the men begin their part of the ceremony.

They will go to the bride’s family kgotla (traditional court), and request for the bride’s hand in marriage from her uncles and or her father. Once the men’s request has been successful, the women come in with the gifts for the bride and her parents and/or grandparents. This is often clothes to prove that just as the bride was well dressed by her father, her husband will do the same.

The whole ceremony takes place between the family elders led by the uncles, the couple only joins at the end for introductions. The bride and her female cousins/ siblings are presented before everyone, and the groom must identify his bride. The bride will then have to affirm her knowledge of him and her agreement to his proposal.

The ceremony culminates with food and feasting for both families. Patlo is usually a restricted event attended only by those who are married and have done the Bogadi tradition.

Bogadi: Tswana traditional wedding day

Bogadi is a token of appreciation given to the bride’s family as gratitude for giving their daughter to the groom’s family. In Tswana culture, when the bride gets married, she takes on the family name of the groom and then sets up her new home among the groom’s people.

Bogadi is mostly eight cows for many tribes. Some, like Bakgatla, require less but often never more than eight. Considerations are often made for less privileged families and, one can pay it over time. Nevertheless, because one is only regarded as truly married once the whole amount is paid, most opt to give it all at once to avoid being excluded from traditional ceremonies.

Bangwaketse for instance will take Bogadi to the main village kgotla. The two families bear witness to their agreement to marry their children and then show the village chief the Bogadi cattle. The Chief keeps a ledger of all Bogadi given in his Kgotla. This is the traditional marriage register and once Bogadi has been given the couple is traditionally married. Celebrations can then begin.

From the chief, the Bogadi is taken to the bride’s family kraal to much ululation and joyful singing. Once Bogadi has been given, the groom’s mother or aunt is given the honour of dressing the bride in the traditional wedding shawl or blanket. This shows goodwill to the bride as she welcomes her into the family.

Wedding Day 2: The infusion of a civil/church wedding

In Botswana, every marriage is expected to be legally registered.

Thursday in Botswana is known as ‘wedding day’ because that’s when all civil marriages are done.

The Wedding weekend usually looks like this:

• Thursday: a visit to the Commissioner, get your marriage certificate
• Friday is when some will then opt to give their Bogadi. In some tribes the groom will bring firewood to the bride’s home as a sign of his vigor and ability to provide for her.
• Saturday: the civil/church ceremony

On Saturday the bride will wear the western wedding gown, and for those marrying through the church then vows and marriage certificates signed. From there a photoshoot and lunch follow.

After lunch, the bride changes into her traditional wear and quite often this will be a couple of dresses provided by her aunts. Some brides will change up to 5 times to showcase each aunt’s dress.  The groom only needs to change once into traditional attire.

Kgoroso (Arrival)

The photo above: When the bride is brought to the husband’s home (kgoroso), they swap the blue blanket (seep photos above), for this white blanket known as jale, which represents a married woman.

Most of the wedding ceremonies take place at the bride home except for the last one. Kgoroso is welcoming the bride into her new family.

It is a bittersweet part of the Tswana traditional wedding because, on one hand, the groom’s family is celebrating the arrival of a new daughter, but on the other hand, the bride’s family is sad because they are leaving their child behind.

You can watch a youtube video of this here.

There is then a procession to the groom’s home, with the women in the bride’s family carrying her gifts on their heads. These gifts are all traditional household items she is expected to use in her new home. This is when the marriage advice and anecdotes are given to the couple. The women will talk to the bride and the men to the groom.

When the bride’s family leaves, it is often joked to keep a close eye on the bride lest she hides in her family’s belongings, and tries to go back home with them!

After the Tswana Traditional wedding, some tribes will then enact a period for the bride to acquaint herself with her new family. With the exception of absolute emergencies, she is not allowed to visit her parent’s home. This period, determined by her family, is to allow the bride to bond with her mother-in-law and “detach” from her mother. A close cousin is also left with her to ease her transition, especially her first chores to her in-laws.

On her first morning with her new family after the Tswana Traditional Wedding, the bride is expected to make breakfast. This is done to show her goodwill to the family and her new role in assisting her mother-in-law to care for the family.

At the end of the period, her mother-in-law then accompanies her on her first visit to her childhood home. Bringing an end to marriage rights and rituals.

The Tswana traditional wedding ceremonies all aim at uniting the two families. Each ceremony is an opportunity to bond and encourage openness between the respective families. To skimp on any of the ceremonies is seen as an ill omen for the new marriage. The entire process is dragged out to allow the two mothers time to let go of their children as well as open themselves to receiving the new child (in-law).

The Tswana, as seen in this process of the Tswana traditional wedding, are intentional about good relations and marrying into a good family.

Special thanks Melissa for allowing us to showcase the traditional Tswana wedding (patlo) ceremony through her special day!

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