We are love to celebrate and share on Xhosa Weddings!
The Xhosa community is among the largest ethnic groups in South Africa, coming second only to the Zulu community.With over 8 million Xhosa people spread across South Africa, Xhosa traditional wedding is definitely something you want to be part of and experience, should you be lucky enough to be invited to one.
A Beautiful Xhosa Couple on their wedding day. Thank you to the beautiful bride Phatiswa, for allowing us to showcase the beauty of Xhosa Weddings with photographs from her special day. You can follow her on Instagram here. You can follow her wedding photographer Wilma Bow Photography on Instagram here.
BACKGROUND
Like most African tribes, Xhosa people have a very rich culture that has been passed down from generation to generation in the form of traditions and rituals that are still practised today.
Umtshato, a Xhosa wedding, is one of those practices that involve certain steps that must be properly followed, especially if the young couple wants to be blessed in their marriage. The practice is one of the oldest customary practices amongst the Xhosa people. Weddings are therefore a big deal and huge value is placed on them.
In African society, marriage is not just a bond between a man and a woman but a whole family affair, meaning it brings two families together into a new kinship or bond.
To start the process of a Xhosa wedding, usually, a man who has identified the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with will take initiative by approaching his father to inform him of his wishes. This is, first, to gain his parents’ approval, and secondly to start making arrangements to assemble a team of negotiators that will be sent to the girl’s family to ask for her hand in marriage.
When a man approaches his parents to inform them that he is now ready to get married, the first thing they will want to know is the prospective bride’s isiduko (clan name). This is very important in the Xhosa culture because no one is allowed to marry someone who carries the same clan’s name since they are considered family. The parents may go as far as researching this clan name if they are not familiar with it to make sure that there is no connection to their clan.
Once satisfied with everything and their son’s choice of bride, the parents will assemble a group of negotiators and instruct them. The negotiators’ main job is to negotiate with the prospective bride’s parents, the customary bride price, known as ilobolo. The negotiators will then set a date to visit the girl’s family to begin the negotiations for the Xhosa wedding, and the girl’s family will be notified of the said date.
ILOBOLO
Let’s clear some misconceptions around ilobolo. Ilobolo consists of cattle that are transferred from the groom’s home to the bride’s home as a gift to the parents of the bride, and also to ‘compensate’ them for the “loss” of one of their children (who will now be joining the groom’s family after the Xhosa wedding).
Traditionally at Xhosa Weddings, the prospective bride’s parents set the bride price, let’s say, they ask for 10 cows. The value of one cow is therefore agreed upon, for example, R5000 per cow. So, based on the number of cows they are asking for, the groom’s family would then work out the total amount that is being for by the bride’s family.
The negotiators will then present this offer to the groom and his family to see if it is acceptable to them, and may have to go back to negotiate a lower price. It is considered very improper for the groom to haggle over the set price and that is why negotiators are brought in as third parties to manage this process.
There are many factors that are taken into consideration when setting the bride price for a Xhosa wedding, such as the level of education of the girl, whether she already has children or not, and generally what the man stands to benefit from marrying this girl (her “value”, in other words).
There is no expectation to pay the full price in one go at a Xhosa Wedding, and it is not uncommon for Ilobolo balances to be paid after the two lovebirds are married with children.
Paying the ilobolo legitimises the marriage and also ensures that the children that come out of that marriage get to carry the name of their father’s family. Once the negotiations at a Xhosa have been successfully concluded, the actual traditional wedding can then take place. It is important to note here that the ilobolo money is used by the girls’ parents to meet the costs of the wedding and should not be seen as ‘selling’ the woman to her husband.
The following are some of the steps or stages that may be followed as per tradition:
UKUTHWALA
This is where the groom-to-be organises for the bride-to-be, to be “abducted” (not necessarily against her will). The bride-to-be will then spend the night at the groom’s and return to her homestead the following day.
It is a customary way of informing her family of the groom’s intentions to marry her. In the olden days ukuthwala was seen as legal bridal abduction. In modern day society this practice is now frowned upon because it can easily be abused by some to capture a girl against her wishes, even to a point of forcing young girls who are not of legal age to marry, something that is definitely against the law.
IKHAZI
Once the date for negotiations is set, the negotiators will visit the girl’s home on the agreed-upon date to pay the lobolo. This is the first meeting where the two families meet, and the prospective groom is introduced to the bride’s family.
On the day, the bride’s family present their offer, which is the amount they are asking for.
In the old days people used to pay with cattle but these days money is exchanged because most families prefer that. Urbanisation has also made it impossible for families to keep cows on their properties because there is usually no space for such in urban areas.
The negotiators also bring other gifts and alcohol on the day they come to pay ilobolo. Once ilobolo has been paid, the couple is considered officially or traditionally married, and there is a huge celebration that follows. This involves slaughtering which is a way of introducing the bride to the groom’s family ancestors. A huge feast follows and lots of umqombothi (traditional beer) is consumed.
ukwembathisa
Ukwembathisa follows. This is the part of Xhosa weddings when the groom brings gifts to the bride’s family. It may also include ilobolo part payments as well, if said wasn’t paid in full on the first day. There would be slaughtering on this day as well, alcohol, traditional singing and dancing.
AMABHASO
The Xhosa version of a bridal shower. The bride’s family will throw a party where they give gifts to the bride to equip her with things she will need to build her new home. These could be kitchen items and things like that.
UKUYALWA
During amabhaso the family elders will sit with the bride and give her extensive advice on how to carry herself in the new family, how to care for her husband, how to dress, and general conduct. It is very important not to embarrass the family of origin by behaving in a manner that shows lack of training, once married.
A XHOSA WEDDING DAY
These days most couples prefer to have both a traditional and church weddding. The groom-to-be and the bride-to-be are not permitted to see each other on the day before the wedding so they would not spend the night together.
The celebrations usually last up to two days. The morning may be dedicated to the church service and the afternoon to the traditional part.
During the traditional part, animals are slaughtered and there is another exchange of gifts. This practice is called umabo or ukwembathisa. There, the bride presents gifts to the groom’s family as a symbol of goodwill to her new family. This part could be optional for some families.
Towards the end of the day during Xhosa weddings, the second part of ukuyalwa takes place. This time it is the new family elders, specifically the elderly women from the husband’s side, who sit with the new bride and give her advice on how to conduct herself within the new household, and what their expectations of the bride are.
On this occasion of Xhosa weddings, the bride will also be given a new name by the elders, and that will be the name by which she will be called by her in-laws. The name was given to the bride usually carries a lot of significance, meaning it is not random, there is a deeper meaning behind it depending on how they feel about her.
Lastly, it is very important to note that with westernisation and intercultural marriages amongst all the different South African tribes, some rituals may be dropped or others adopted to make both families happy, so no two Xhosa weddings will be exactly the same.
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